26 Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed

  1. You are friends with the janitor
  2. Progress is now measured by the number of fixed bugs and not completed features
  3. The lead web developer thinks the X in XHTML means ‘extreme’
  4. You start considering a new job so you don’t have to maintain the application you are building
  5. All of your requirements are written on a used cocktail napkin
  6. Your source code control system is a series of folders on a shared drive
  7. Your best developer only has his A+ Certification
  8. Your manager could be replaced by an email redirection batch file
  9. Developers use the excuse of ’self documenting code’ for no comments
  10. Your favorite software pattern is God Object
  11. You still believe compiling is a form of testing
  12. Your team believes the transition from VB6 to VB.NET will be ’seamless’
  13. Your spouse only gets to see you on a webcam
  14. The phrase ‘It works on my machine’ is heard more than once a day
  15. The last book you read – Visual InterDev 6 Bible
  16. Your lead web developer defines AJAX as a cleaning product
  17. Requirement – Rank #1 on Google
  18. Everyday you work until Midnight, everyday your boss leaves at 4:30
  19. The night shift at Starbucks knows you by name
  20. Management can not understand why anyone needs more than a single monitor
  21. You secretly outsource pieces of the project so you can blog at work
  22. Your boss argues “Why buy it when we can built it!”
  23. You start wondering if working 2 shifts at Pizza Hut is a better career alternative
  24. All performance issues are resolved by getting larger machines
  25. You are using MOSS 2007
  26. You have been 90% complete 90% of the time

A True Story

This story I came across while preparing for my PMP exam and reading the book “Preparing for the Project Management Professional Certification Exam” by Michael Newell.

This story talks about a project manager who went to work for a company that produced computer software. This project manager was hired to complete a project that was to produce a significant amount of the company’s income for the year, and it had a strict deadline for 12 months.

As time went by, the project manager settled in, and after a couple of weeks the project manager’s boss asked her how many lines of code had been written for the project. She replied, “Well, none at the moment. We are describing the user’s requirements and doing some planning for the project, but no, we have no lines of code written.”

This seems to satisfy the manager for the time being, and the project manager continued her work. After about a month the project manager’s boss showed up again and asked the same question, “How many lines of code have you and your project team written?”

The project manager, recognizing the concern of her manager, said, “Well, none, but we are getting organized. We have defined the deliverables for the project, and we have made a work breakdown structure, and we have started our risk analysis, but no, we have no lines of code written.” Somewhat shaken, the manager left.

This went on for some time. The project manager did planning and organizing for the project execution to take place, and her manager grew more and more frantic with each passing day.

Then, after about eleven months, the project was completed. The customer and all the stakeholders were happy, the software was fully tested and it met all the requirements as specified. The customer accepted the system and paid the bill.

The project manager’s boss decided to throw a party for the entire project team. The project manager’s boss took her aside during the party and said, “I want to congratulate you on getting this project done with the time required, but it seems to me that if you had not been messing around doing that planning stuff and gotten busy writing code from the start, we would have been done about two months sooner.”

In conclusion, what is meant by this story is that upper management are the most resistant to change. Thousands of dollars are being spent by companies to train project managers but none are spent to train the managers above those project manager.

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